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swine flu?

I haven't updated in awhile because I've been going through too much crap. With Jake. It's confusing, and I don't want to talk about it. But we're on a 'break', for lack of better terms. I need him. I can't lose him. I'm already extremely sick because of this. Killer migraine, have had to throw up since yesterday but my body wouldn't let me, I was hallucinating last night, my tummy has been churning like crazy, I haven't been able to eat, my heart is pounding, my foot is throbbing, I can't get out of bed without feeling dizzy. I'm not going to be ok. I just want Jake back. He said if  God  wants us to be together we will. I am so scared for my life, guys. When I say guys, I don't even know who I'm talkingto. Does anyone even read this?:[[


Ok, here's the person that hurt me the most in my life. But thanks to my amazing boyfriend Jake, I am over him(over Ryan, not Jake !)(And I couldn't be happier, either. I love Jake !)

Ok, well it all started March 29, 2008, when I got this msg on facebook-

I know this may seem a bit weird and out of the blue but i just thought you were really cute and I'd like to get to know you. Do you think you can tell me a few things about yourself?

And it went on from there. He was so sweet ! He'd say adorable things. On May 6th, we hung out for the first time. We had been texting, and talked on the phone a couple times. We just hung out downtown and we drove around. His friend John was in the back of his truck.. lol. When he dropped me off, he asked if I wanted to go to a movie on Saturday, and I said sure !

Well we didn't end up going to the movies, but we went to the mall, and he bought me Taco Bell ! (and hes mexican haha) then he was gonna drop me off, but I said no. haha. He said we could go to his friend John's house. I was like 'sweet'. haha.  They had a fire going on in the back yard, and me & Ryan sat on a bench together. I was like "I'm cold" and he's like "How can you be cold?" And I'm like "Iunno, I just am !" and he put his arm around me and pulled me rly close to him. Then John told us to go to Dairy Mart & buy food, so we did. On the way to the truck, he asked if I was still cold, and I said yes, and he held me next to him while we were walking. lol. Then, when we got back, me & Ryan were standing in the kitchen. He was leaning against the counter, and I was on the other side of the room. There was awkward silence, and I randomly coughed, and he started laughing, and I asked what was so funny, and he said nothing. I asked if he was laughing at my coughing, and he said yes, and I'm like "you're mean" and he's like "no i'm not" and he took a step closer to me, and I'm like "yes you are" and took a step closer to him, and we kept doing that till we were right by each other, and again he says "No I'm not" and I was about to say "Yes you are" again, and he just kissed me.. It was one of the most magical moments of my life.(It used to be THE most magical, until me & Jake had our first kiss♥) We started making out, then I wanted to watch Degrassi, and I was like, so into it because I LOVE DEGRASSI. haha. He was like "You really get into this show, don't you?" I laughed and said yeah, he smiled at me & we made out again. When he brought me home, he met my dad, and gave me a hug goodbye. At that point I had developed a crush on Ryan. We hung out again about a week later. This time we did go to the movies. We saw What Happens In Vegas. We held hands the entire movie, and I rested my head on his shoulder. After the movie, we made out in the parking lot, and went back to my house for about 10-15 minutes.. we made out on my porch, then went inside, Tawnee bit him, lol, then we went in the back yard & made out hardcore.. he gave me a hicky, lol. He felt me up and tried doing other stuff except I was on my period. I was positive he was going to ask me out soon ! I couldn't wait. I had a huge crush on him. I would keep replaying our first kiss in my head, and smile. Well, the next time we hung out was May 23, 2008. He asked if I wanted to go to Gore Orphanage(he claimed it to be 'beautiful'.. lol) and I said sure. Sooo we went there, held hands, I tripped and he helped me up, we made out by a waterfall & by that angel statue, then he started to finger me.. and he asked if I wanted to go back to his truck, so I said sure. We were making out hardcore, and then I gave him a handjob & I gave him head(he seemed to enjoy it a bit too much !) and then he reached into his glove compartment & pulled out a condom... I didn't know what to say.. I didn't want to have sex with him yet ! We weren't dating ! But I didn't say anything, and we just had sex.. and then a county car drove by, so we quickly stopped, and got out of Gore Orphanage. Then we got pulled overr... The sherriff just pulled us over because we left so suddenly, and they had busted about 12 people that week for drugs.. so that's what they thought we were doing, but we weren't, so they let us go. When he dropped me off, he gave me a kiss goodbye. I was falling for him.. fast. A few hours later, I saw that he wasn't on my myspace friends anymore. I got very upset, so I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, I checked my facebook friends, and he wasn't on there, either. I got extremely upset, and texted him saying if he didn't like me, he should have just told me. He replied asking what I was talking about. I said "How about how you deleteed me from myspace AND facebook?" and he was like "I accidently deleted a couple people last night. I thought I sent you a friend request" and I'm like "Well I didn't get it. And, not to sound like a bitch, but how can you 'accidently' delete me from BOTH of them?" and he gave me some bullshit about trying to edit his top friends, and his friend Ian messaged him & said he deleted him. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and said I was sorry for going off on him like that. He said it was cool, and he'd send me a friend request when he got home. I decided to send him one just in case. They both sat there, untouched, for weeks. That Sunday he had told me earlier in the week(before we had sex) that we could go to his friend John's house for a bonfire. I texted him on Sunday and asked if we were still going, and he gave me some bullshit about having to go to his uncle's campsite. Then he stopped texting me. He never showed up to my graduation party. It was then that I realized that I had been used for sex. I had never been so hurt in my life. Not even with Greg(that story comming later) I cut myself. For the first time in a year and 9 months. I hadn't cut since September 14, 2006. And I believe it was June 10 or 11, 2008 that I cut myself. I was a wreck. I carved Ryan's name into my thigh, and into my foot. On June 29, I was at the International Festival with my dad. I wanted Mexican food ! So I got in line, but then I saw Ryan working the booth. I felt sick to my stomach and got out of line. I told my dad I wanted to go home. I laid in bed the rest of the day with an awful headache. I would think about him & cry. I looked up ways to commit suicide on the internet. In October, this guy I used to be friends with started prank calling Ryan & texting him. Then he made a fake myspace & added him. Ryan messaged the myspace & said he knew that it was him who was prank calling him, and to please stop, because he doesn't even know who he is. Then the friend told Ryan that he knew me, and the story unfolded. At the time that me & Ryan had been hanging out, he had been on a break with his girlfriend. (THAT I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT), and after we had sex, he told his girlfriend, and she made him cut off all contact with me. He didn't want to, but apparently he was too pussy-whipped to stick up for himself. He saw me at the International Festival, and he went to ask for a break(so he could talk to me), and when he turned around, I was gone. The friend told Ryan that he needed to apologize to me. On October 10, he called me. It was awkward. He apologized over & over again. We talked for about 15 minutes, then he said his phone was dieing and he'd talk to me later. He didn't talk to me again until December. He just said that people were prank calling him. He would always assume that it was someone I knew when he got a prank call. I don't know if it was, but whatever. Well, at the beginning of March 2009, I had a friend request from him on facebook. He messaged me and asked if I remembered him. (HOW COULD I FORGET HIM?!?!?!) And he told me to text him. His girlfriend had broken up with him a few months earlier. So I texted him later on that night, and we talked for awhile. We ended up hanging out on March 6, 2009. I was surprised he remembered where I lived. We went to the movies with a few of his friends. (this was the first time me & Ryan saw each other since June 29, 2008). When the movie started, Ryan & me were like, inching our hands toward each other, then all of a sudden he grabbed my hand. We held hands the entire movie, which was almost three hours long. After the movie, my dad had told me to come home right when the movie was over, but I didn't want to !! So I didn't. lol. Ryan asked if I wanted to hang out at the turnpike plaza. I said sure. He said he was just kidding, but ok. So we parked, got out of his truck, and he took my arm, and wrapped it around my waist, and he wrapped his arm around my waist, too. He stopped at the fence, and gave me a huge hug, then tilted my chin up & kissed me. All of the old feelings came rushing back. It was magic all over again. We made out for a few seconds, then walked toward the building, but everything was closed(cuz it was like 1am, lol). So we went back to his truck, and started making out, and he felt me up, and tried to feel me down but I was on my damn period again ! I gave him a handjob and then went down on him. He was MOANING. "Fuck yeah" "Oh my god" "Oh yeah" "Just like that"... it was kinda hot, lol. My dad texted me in the middle of it, so Ryan had to take me home. He took the long way. lol. He was like "Why aren't you sitting closer to me?" and I was like "You want me to?" And he was like "Yeah !" so I scooted right next to him, and he put his arm around me and attempted to operate the stick shift with his arm around me. He was like "Damn, this isn't working out too well" and I was like "I'm sorry that I'm fat" and he's like "You're not fat, you're cute & sexy"
Then when we got to my driveway, we had a goodnight makeout, and he told me to have a great night. I texted him the next morning and said I wanted to take things a little more slowly, and just make out for awhile, and he said that was fine, he completely understands. He got me a temporary job where he worked, but I quit after the first day, lol. The day he drove me to work (March 17) was the last time I saw him. I kept trying to set up a time to hang out, but something always came up. I don't know if he was lieing about every excuse that he had, or not. He seemed to want to hang out too, but I don't know. The day I met Jake, which was the one year anniversary of me & Ryan having sex, I was supposed to hang out with Ryan, but I didn't. I'm glad I have Jake now. Me & Ryan are still friends, but almost all of the feelings I had for him are gone. I'm in love with Jake. Ryan wants me & Jake to come to his place this Saturday, so we'll see...

My dog Scooter<3

So this post is all about my babe. Not Jake, lol. He's my other babe ! This is my furry babe. My teenaged Shih Tzu, Scooter:]
First, here's a few pics of us through the years. (I've had him since I was 6 !)
These are in no particular order:]

I love him. for more pics of him, add me at    www.facebook.com/scooteristhebest    or    www.myspace.com/touchmystrawberry

Ok, now for the story of Scooter !!! It was August, 1996. Me, Mother, Anna, & Grandma (RIP) were going to bring Rusty(RIP) to the kennel to get boarded next to Petland. Well, we decided to go into Petland and look at the puppies ! There were two Shih Tzus. I had never heard of them before. There was a black & white one, and a brown & white one ! We took both of them into one of those little cubicles. The black & white one was CRAZY. He was running in circles, and he scared me & Anna. We thought he was gonna attack us ! He started untieing Grandma's shoelaces with his TEETH. The brown & white one was very calm. lol. I liked him ! Grandma told Mother we should get one of them. I wanted the brown & white one. Anna didn't care which one we got, and Mother & Grandma wanted the crazy black & white one. Mother said she'd have to talk to Father(they were still married). So we went home, called Father(he was at work) and he decided to let us get a dog ! We went back to Petland the next day, and someone had bought the brown & white Shih Tzu ! I was upset, lol. But now I'm glad. We got the crazy black & white one. I named him Scooter, because I had once seen an episode of Barney that had a black & white dog named Scooter. ahah I'm weird. But the name stuck. He's also had many nicknamed throughout the year... Scooj, Butler, SockMan, Rumpinater, Zhoozh, Zhozhoozhes, Pooch, BoyBoy, Perfect Angel, ScooterPie, Scooch, Scoozhy, Ajijjy Scooches, VooVoo, Vovuva, Zhooch, the list goes on:] I instantly fell in love with him the second we brought him home. We bought him this white rope, that we called Ropey Pie. He had it for a long time, until this retarded border collie destroyed it:[ I hate that dumb thing. So I'm not contaminating my journal with anything else about that dumb thing. Anyways, back to Perfect<3
Me & him were inseperable. He followed me EVERYWHERE. And I couldn't wait until he was housetrained so he could sleep in my bed with me:] (That took awhilee.. lol.. he ended up chewing up & destroying ALL of the kitchen furniture, AND the walls ! silly boy)
I have a home video my cousin Steve took of Anna's birthday party, and all I talked about the entire time was SCOOTER<3 lol. I was like "Mommy, take a picture of me & Scooter !"  And she was like "Steve is taking a video !" And I insisted that she take a picture, and she finally did, and I was like "Yay ! Me & Scooter are gonna be in a picture together !" hehe.
Me & Anna would dance around, and Scooter would grab onto our legs & dance with us:p
When I was in first grade, my mom used to wait for me at the bus stop after school. One day she brought Scooter with her. He was a puppy still, and had just gotten neutered a few days before. Well, I got off the bus, and my mom & me started to walk home, but Scooter wouldn't move ! Mother dragged him, and where he had been sitting, a pool of blood was there. We had to rush him to the vet, who rushed him to Huron. He had to wear an orange diaper !
In the summer of 1999, a tragedy happened. My mom was dropping me & Anna off at Father's, and she was talking to Father on the back deck, and Scooter pushed the screen door open with his head ! And he ran outside. He started going potty by the tree in front of the sidewalk, then he ran into the street & got hit by a car:[
It was horrible. I saw it with my own two eyes. He started yelping, and limped into my neighbor's yard. I called for my dad, and we rushed him to the vet. That night, I made a dream catcher so I wouldn't have any bad dreams about it. And I didn't ! And the vet said he was going to be fine<3
And he was ! But that was still the scariest thing I have ever seen:[
In 6th grade, me & Scooter won a prize at the Halloween parade ! I was Eeyore, he was Piglet:]
In 2001, we moved out of the house I always lived in. We still go to visit our old neighbors, and one day, about 2 years after we had moved, we brought Scooter over to see their dogs, and when we were going back to the car, Scooter ran next door to our old house & ran up the steps of the deck:p
In about 2006, we noticed that Scooter wouldn't come when we called him anymore. Turns out he had become deaf. Poor thing:[ In 2006, he also had two (non-cancerous) tumors removed from his body. He has another one on his leg now:[
Scooter hardly ever kisses anyone anymore, and when he does, it's just a quick flick of his tongue.
Well, this January, I woke up one day with Scooter sleeping on my bed, and then he woke up. I started telling him how much I love him. Then I remembered that he was deaf. So I said "Scooter, I know you probably can't hear me, but if you can, give me a kiss"
He just sat there. I said "Ok, blink your eyes"  And Scooter gave me the biggest kiss that he's given me in about 5 years. I love that dog. No one will ever have my heart more than Scooter<333

The Beginning of Me & Jake<3

May 2009. Towards the end. I was planning on hanging out with Ryan on Saturday. It would have been one year since our 'incident'. Don't worry, that will have a post. Anyways. Ashley wanted me to meet her brother's friend, Jake. I was kind of hesitant, since I was still so hung up on Ryan, but I agreed. It was Saturday, May 23, when Ashley rang my doorbell. I went out to her car, and Ed was in the passenger seat.. I think I grunted at him. haha. (IEPT?) anyways. I sat down next to this cute boy. I was extremely shy, and kind of avoided talking to him. I think he was kind of shy, too ! I mostly talked to Ashley, occasionally Ed, on the short ride to Kimmy's house. I went in and hugged Elvis(I MISS HIM !) and me, Ashley, and Kimmy went into Kimmy's room while Jake, Ed, & Mark were out in the living room. I put on a skirt. It was cute lol. So then we went to Jamie's flea market.. and I was being very lame, trying to overcome my shyness. Ashley & Ed totally ditched me, Jake, Kimmy, and Mark. Me & Jake were walking around awkwardly. When we got separated from Mark & Kimmy, I started awkwardly talking a mile a minute, making a complete a complete fool out of myself. I was still extremely shy ! Well after we were done at the flea Market, me & Kimmy wanted to go to Leather & Lace. Everyone else went to some market. I bought Nipple Nibblers, and Kimmy bought some lube stuff. lol. I was embarased. Ed had to go pick up a prescription, and me & Jake were the only ones waiting in the car at the Giant Eagle parking lot. By then, my shyness had mostly gone away. I was showing Jake all these videos on my phone, and he put his arm around me:]
Well then we went to the windmill, and we decided to walk to Convenient. Me & Jake were like soo far ahead of everyone else ! lol ! and then, he grabbed my hand:] I basically told him half of my life story on that walk. (You guys will get it all, don't worry:p) and when we got back to the windmill, he gave me a hug. Me, Jake, Kimmy, and Mark went back to Kimmy & Mark's house, and watched Eurotrip. Me & Jake were cuddled on the couch:] When it came time for Ed to drive me home, I went to hug Jake goodbye. And he kissed me. Yes, there was tongue involved. It was magical. And that's when the falling process started....
The next day, May 24, 2009, I didn't see him till around 5. I was with Kimmy, Mark, & Ed until them. We met Jake at Ashley's house, and I got out of the car and smiled, and walked up to him, and he kissed me again:] We flipped a coin on who I would ride to youth group with, and Mark rigged it so I would ride with Jake:D (And Stephen, but who cares about himmm? ahha jk) So I sat in the front seat while Jake drove, and when we got there, me & Jake were walking around the gym, kissing ! We played CatchPhrase, and then a bunch of people played basketball, except me, Kimmy, Ashley, & Ed. Kimmy told me that Ashley had told her that Jake had been texting her(Texting Ashley) and he told her that he hopes I don't still like Ryan, because he REALLY likes me. And he wants to be sure I feel the same way about him, then he wants to ask me out !:D Jake wanted to take me out to dinner after youth group, so we went to Church Street. I got honey mustard wings !:] We were acting ridiculously cute. I said something, don't remember what, lol, but he said "I have a weird girlfriend" and I'm like "I'm your girlfriend?" and he's like "Well, do you want to be?" and I said yes:] anddd we made out:D ahha. So we were officially a couple ! Sometime during Open House Party was when we became an official ! We went back to Kimmy & Mark's house with Stephen, and Stephen was allergic to Kilo, haha. Losers wanted to watch the Cavs game, how cute. Then we all went to the windmill ! And ALL me & Jake did was make out. haha. That was all we did for the first few weeks of our relationship. We made up all of these WEIRD kisses ! Outside kiss, root beer kiss, boring kiss, no lip kiss, delayed reaction kiss, siren kiss, pufferfish kiss, pop kiss, lol, the list goes on ! (you can see alot of videos of us here:] Then we stayed the night at Ashley's. Jake stayed downstairs ! I stayed in Ashley's room, lol:]]
I was so impressed that he did not make one sexual advance on me at all. I knew that he was special:]
In the first month of our relationship, things went great ! We hung out with my friends ALOT, and made out ALOT, lol, and my depression wasn't bothering me too much ! On June 8th, he told me he loved me. I knew it was the right time. My emotional problems started kicking in. When he told me he loved me, it was so beautiful. Those three words comming straight from the lips of an angel. I loved him so much. I still do. We also did something sexual that night. Not full on sex, though. That didn't happen until a week later, and I don't regret it at all. I love Jacob Louis<3

First Post- Introduction

Hi, my name is Ali, and this journal is so I can write about things that have happened in my life, & people that are, or have been in it. Let me tell you a bit about my life... kinda a sort of summary? The posts after this one will go into more detail !

I was born on December 15, 1989, in Amherst. That makes me a Sagittarius. My brother Jason used to live with me & my parents, but I don't remember, since I was just a baby ! On July 22, 1991, I got a sister. Anna Leigh. We used to be very close, we'd play with Barbies & Polly Pockets, we'd play video games, play school, but once I started high school, things changed. Anna didn't want to have anything to do with me, it seemed. Anyways, I'll make a post all about my sister some other time ! This post is to just summarize my life:p
When I was 6, we got a dog. His name is Scooter. I still have him. He is 13 years old. Here he is.

That picture is from 2005 ! He's looking a bit more seniorly now:p Lets see if I can find a more recent picture of my baby.

That is from last year, and it's my favorite picture of him ! I am getting it tattooed as a portrait on my upper left back:]
Of course, at a later date I will make a post all about my Pooch !
BUT ANYWAYS. The next year, my parents got divorced. Well actually, first they got separated, me & Anna moved in with my mom to an apartment, but then my parents got back together and we all moved back in our old house, but then a little while after that, they got divorced for good:[
I was 7 when they got divorced. It still affects me. I envy every person whose parents are still married. It is so tough having two homes, having to split the holidays between parents, having step-people(I call them step-people because I do not consider them to be apart of my family), and I hate how my mom has a different last name than me & my sister.
Anyways, my life wasn't very easy after that. My mom got a new boyfriend, Jeff. She had actually cheated on my dad with him, which is why they got divorced. I used to like Jeff. Until after him & my mom got married in 1999, and we moved into his house(the house I live in now)
And my dad met this woman named Sue. (she stole my mom's name). The first time I met her... I was only 8, but I got a bad vibe from her. She tries to act all sweet to cover up her actuality. In 2000, my dad let her & her daughter move in with him. I did not approve. My dad had always told me & Anna that he would never date someone that we didn't like. Well... he lied, I guess:/
In 2001, we moved out of the house I had lived in my entire life. I was 11. It was Scooter's 5th birthday. More on the move in another post ! But when we moved, I made a new friend with a girl who is still my friend to this day. Her name is Destini. On the last day of 6th grade, I got my first boyfriend. We lasted 8 months. He gave me my first kiss, then cheated on me & broke up with me. Lovely, eh? That May, after I had lost pretty much all of my friends, my dad announced that him & Sue were getting married. I was disgusted. He had also promised me in the past that he would never get married again. (he was married to another woman before my mom). 2003 was awful. Mr. Rogers died, I lost my grandma, and I got molested by my dad's girlfriend. In 2004, we went to Sanibel Island, Florida, for my dad & Bulldyke's wedding. I didn't want any part in it. I had gotten two cats & a dog since then. Kitcat, Elmo, & Annie. In 2004, Kitcat died. It was very difficult. He was only 4 years old. My cousin Jessie got me a kitten after Kitcat died. I named him Jake. I only had him for a month before my mom made me get rid of him:[
On August 27, 2004, I met my best friend Kimmy. We're still best friends ! Of course she will have her own post, too ! pretty much everything I've talked about in this post will have their own post:] I don't remember when I started cutting, but the first time anyone found out was in 2005. I ended up in the hospital for it. In the crazy people section. I was only 15. That didn't stop me from cutting, though. I didn't stop for good(so I thought) until 2006, however, I relapsed in 2008:/ Cutting will have its own post too !
On December 20, 2005, my friend Matt died. He was only 15. I believe he was born the exact same day as my current boyfriend. I miss you Matt, RIP.  On January 3, 2006, my life was completely changed. By a boy named Gregory. Greg for short. I guess you could call him my first love. You'll get the entire story on him eventually, don't worry. On May 23, 2008, I was hurt more than I have ever been hurt in my entire life by a boy named Ryan. You'll hear about him, too. Another day, though. After suffering for a few more lousy boyfriends, I met the love of my life, Jake Keith. May 23, 2009. Yes, one year after the Ryan incident. The next post will be completely dedicated to Jake. We started dating the next day. And, well, almost 4 months later, I'm texting him right now. I love him:]
And I love you for reading this. I promise, it gets much more interesting:]   Piece out for now, kiddos.

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